Are YOU your own problem? How to know, and then get the f*ck out of your way!
Before you quit this blog or click the exit button because you think that I’m going to go and start some sort of “what is the true meaning of life?” rant, that’s not what this is about (yes, you can breathe a sigh of relief!).
What I do want to talk about though, is why we often wait until something happens TO us, before we decide to make a change.
Think about it.
How many people do you know, who have had those ‘light bulb’ moments in their life – they’ve hit what they perceive to be rock bottom, or they are incredibly unhappy because of something that happened to them. Only then do they decide they should do something about it. Why do we wait until this point? Why do we wait until something significant happens TO us until we decide to live happily on purpose and with serious intent?
I have come across so many people (myself included!) who wait until something triggers such an intense feeling of anger, sadness, frustration, or worse yet, illness, before they decide to fix things. I bet we all know that person who one day just snaps and quits their job in such a rage because they have been holding on to their unhappiness for so long, and then something (possibly very minor) triggers this intense reaction! About 2 years ago, this was nearly me.
I allowed myself to become so negative, so cynical and so miserable because I was unhappy with certain areas of my life, that it had completely bled into the areas of my life that had been going well. Why did I wait until things had gotten so bad, before I decided to fix it? Why didn’t I make the change when I first started feeling unhappy or negative?
This is my theory. We often aren’t unhappy. We wake up every day. We get out of bed. We go to work. We might have a drink or dinner with a friend afterwards. We come home, cook dinner, we watch some TV, we might go to the gym, and before you know it the day is gone and we are back in bed. This routine continues. Continues. And continues. Like I said, we aren’t unhappy, but are we consciously even aware of the things that do make us happy? It is not until we force ourselves to take the time and think about how much more there could be in life if we just consciously allowed there to be, that we realise how much more we can have.
I don’t believe we are lazy at all. I think there are a lot of people out there who work really fucking hard, but that doesn’t make them happy and it doesn’t make them successful. If more people took the time to stop and listen to themselves and what they actually want, we’d probably all find ourselves in a far more positive space.
People often hear this kind of language about “finding your purpose”, “living your truth” etc, and think that it is only for those people who are interested in hard core self-help or personal development. They think these words belong to these ‘cult like’ groups where often individuals experience massive transformational change, and that it then needs to be a lifestyle that you “sign up” to. I say NO to that.
I believe that all you need to do to have a more positive and fun-loving life, is decide that you want to! Then, take the time to consciously sit down and ask yourself – What does that look like for YOU? That is step one.
Here is step 2 and this is the fun part. Get yourself a bottle of wine (or two ) if you need to. Sit down and ask yourself what are my favourite things in my life?
What do I love the most about my life?
What makes me really happy in my life?
If my friends were to describe me, what would they say? What would I want them to say?
If my friends were to say, what am I really good at, or what am I known for, what would that be?
And how do I create alignment with those things? How do I set these things up in my life, so that they can be something that I can do?
It doesn’t even have to be big ticket stuff to make you happy. It can just be small steps along the way that you keep following, that give you that momentum to keep building on and live the life that you want. It is about continuing to look at ways you can challenge yourself. For example, I decided to sign up for singing lessons. Those who know me, know that I cannot sing to save my life, but it’s something different. It’s something to stretch myself. It’s something that I’ve not done before and why the fuck not.
I’ve got a plan to try a new restaurant every month. Go out with friends at least once a month and enjoy a diner’s club because if I don’t make those plans, it doesn’t happen. If I don’t actively sit down and consciously revisit this, then life happens TO me and I don’t want it to happen TO me. I want to control it. I want to be the one who decides what I get out of this life and not the other way around.
And I want that for you too.